Support, boundaries, and the quiet work of healing
Why I find it harder to ask for support outside the doctor’s office, and the continued work to improve
I’ve spent a lot of time over the past two years learning how to speak up at doctor’s appointments. But asking for help outside the exam room still doesn’t come easily.
Health and wellness self-advocacy doesn’t stop with labs and diagnoses. It shows up in all aspects of the work: how I set boundaries, how I ask for support, how I let people see where I’m struggling. And for someone like me who’s used to being the helper or giving the appearance of “having it handled”, that’s where it gets uncomfortable.
The difference between tactical and vulnerable asking
Like I said, I’ve gotten very good at advocating for myself in medical settings. I can push for the right labs, challenge assumptions, and speak up when something doesn’t feel right. It took time, but now it feels like a skill I can trust.
But self-advocacy in other areas, particularly professional and personal, is still very much a work in progress. And I am really (really) frustrated.
Professionally, asking and boundary-setting both feel risky
For years, I didn’t have to ask for work opportunities. Recruiters found me. Projects showed up. I had momentum. And I took that for granted.
Now that things have shifted, I find myself hesitant to say, “I’m looking,” or “I could use some support.” I want to project confidence. I don’t want to seem uncertain or lacking.
At the same time, I’ve been building something I care deeply about. It’s a project called Rooted Allies that brings people together in small groups to support each other in advocating for their own metabolic health and healing.
In the meantime, I’m open to contract and consulting work in project management, digital marketing, and startup launch support. The kind that respects boundaries, values clarity, and doesn’t require setting myself on fire to stay useful. (Oh, hello to some curious work situations last year that did not last very long. Including joining a one-person startup and leaving three weeks later.)
Personally, the same patterns show up
In personal relationships, I’ve long been the helper. I’ve overextended, overgave, and made choices that left me without much of a safety net. No one asked me to. I just did it. Mostly because, until recently, I hadn’t fully recognized how much I was trying to prove my worth and usefulness to others. And now, with fewer financial cushions, I’m feeling the weight of that.
Asking for support still feels hard. Setting boundaries in real time, not after the fact, feels harder. But I’m learning to recognize when I need something, and to believe that voicing that need doesn’t make me a burden. It just makes me human.
The experiment
So this is where I’m practicing: asking more honestly and setting boundaries more clearly. Not just in medical settings, but in the rest of my life, too.
It’s uncomfortable. It challenges old stories I’ve told myself about being useful, low-maintenance, and self-sufficient. But if I want to keep healing, I can’t compartmentalize my self-advocacy.
Because at its core, asking for help and honoring my limits isn’t about weakness or neediness. It’s about self-respect.